Your Turn

Seeing as some of you are clearly just as interfering and opinionated as we are, this is where you can have a go yourself. Just use the comments boxes, and away you go. If you want to see how the (blatantly non-) professionals do it, go back over there.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Over-Commitment

Sadly lack of time has rendered this blog now defunct, and I'm turning off the ability to comment accordingly.

Many apologies if your problem was never anwered, but if you email me privately (see profile) I'm happy to give individual answers to problems.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Four Questions

nina smith said...

hello, i would like you to please give me some advice to my 4 qeustions.

1) i have one lesson where we have weekly tests. everyone in my class has started cheating. shall i cheat in my next test?

2) i have made lots of money selling my birthday presents. can you think of other ways i can make money?

3) my friiend has had an awful haircut. she asked my opinion and i told her it looks terrible. now she won't speak to me what shall i do?

4) i have been invited to a party where i know there will be lots of alcoholic drinks. do you think i should go?

please reply back. thank you
nina smith

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Hay-elp! I fell in love (again)

Anonymous said...

Hay-elp! I fell in love (again)

I am a married father of two, with a steady but boring relationship with my wife. Life is filled with work / children / sleep, and I can't help feeling that I have somehow missed the mark with the things I aimed at as a youth.

I have recently met (online) my first and only true love (by this I mean not a relationship that I fell into because I was looking for sex or any other alterior motive, but that I fell deeply in love at first sight with this girl, now woman). As a result of ever increasing emails and a couple of meetings over a year or so, I am finding myself increasingly besotted with her again, both for her beauty (which is still very much in abundance twenty years later), and for her approach to life - she has no children / no job, and seems chilled and at ease with life, something I have not been for as long as I remember (yet curiously I did feel at ease with her all those years ago). We split up (20 years or so ago) because of "religios differences", that are now water under the bridge, with us both seeing life in similar ways now (morally / ethically / spiritually.

I tries to "cut things off" from my lost love due to my responsibilities, but find myself increasingly dawn into thinking and dereaming of life with her.

She lives quite a way away from me, and I am not the sort of bloke that can manage an affair on the side (I am intrinsically honest), so I cannot see this budding rekindled relationship going further for a while as I am more than aware of my parental duties. I love my children very much, and would do anything to protect them from emotional distress.

Yet I find myself daily dreaming of her beautiful face, eyes and person, and seeing fault in the result of my own decisions that have led me to married boredom.

What to do?

On the one hand I need to be very close to my children (both physically and emotionally) for at least the next 8 years (and of course ongoing), yet I desire SO MUCH to be with this single and incredibly beautiful woman that I have yearned for over all the years of my adult life.

Love Love Love - Love for my kids, Love for my sweetheart, Love for myself?

Please advise me, oh agonising aunties as I seem to be going more than a little crazy. I cannot get her out of my mind and dreams, yet each day I awake to the same routines and atmospheres, held here by my love for my 2 wonderful kids.

Monday, January 30, 2006

A Friend In Need?

anonymous said...

A friend in need?

I believe a friend of mine is in a bad relationship. I don't think it is going to go where she wants it -marriage, kids. He is younger, and less mature. Despite the fact that he has met her parents several times and they live in a different state, she still has not met his even though they live in the same city. It is an acceptance problem; he thinks they will have a problem with my friend because she is not from their home country. Yet he insists that 'when the time is right' he will introduce her. This has been going on for years. The parents don't even know they live together.

I could continue on about their problems, but I want to ask about mine. What do I do as a friend? I have tried being supportive about how she feels at the time -happy for her when she is happy, counseling when she is not. But this has been going on for so long.

She recently said she knows she needs to break up with him. I tried to restrain my excitement, saying yes if will be hard but she deserves so much more.

Next time I talked to her she said things were getting better.

Is there anything I can do other than wait?

This problem has now been answered by Linda over here on the main site.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

How Do You Let Folks Know You Are Out There?

Ayanna said...

Many Blessings to you!

I am almost 40, African American and new to the world of blogging. I like to do a little writing from time to time, and I like also to take pictures and edit them, so at the suggestion of a good friend, I put together a blogspace.

But I am trying to get a feel for how it all works.

I've had my site since last October, and sometimes it feels worth the upkeep and sometimes it doesn't. Not that it is something that I have to do, but there are so many abandoned blogs out there and I'd kind of like to keep mine current.

I've been posting a combination of poems and pictures , quotes, inspirationals, and commentaries...and sometimes I get feedback, and sometimes I don't.

I really enjoy it at times, but I guess I'm just not sure whether or not it's worth the effort I put into it some days. What is the purpose of blogging? Maybe I thought it would be more interactive. I don't get a whole lot of comments, but I enjoy the exchanges when they happen.

Anyway...I'm not sure what my question is directly...perhaps it has more to do with asking general advice/suggestions on blogging. If you want to bring people in how do you go about it?

One thing I do is go blog surfing from time to time, to see who/what else is out there. If I find a blog that I enjoy, I add it do my favorites and visit as often as I like. Other than that, how else do you let folks know you are out there? It's a little lonely out there. [smile]I appreciate any insight you have to share.

Curious,
Ayanna

This problem has now been answered by Clare over here on the main site.

Am I a bad girl?

Anonymous said...

I am a thirty-something woman in a medium-term relationship with someone I love very much, really quite fancy, and whose company I enjoy greatly.

However, our sex life is boring. Infrequent, unexciting, cliched. He doesn't last very long, and I'm getting fed up. I know there are answers such as dressing up as a French Maid, lighting candles, talking etc, but my mind keeps wandering.

I have three fantasies. One is to get involved in a swinging scene (although I think the fantasy of anonymous sex with imaginary people is more attractive than the idea of physical contact with flawed real perverts, I mean people, and their bodily fluids; getting involved with another woman, but I'm not entirely sure how to go about it; and the third revolves around a celebrity crush, especially about giving him a blowjob - and I don't do blowjobs. I know if the opportunity were to arise (so to speak...) I would grasp it with both hands (so to speak...) - and he does have a reputation, shall we say, and a particular liking for women going down on him in cars.

Am I bad girl?

Saturday, January 21, 2006

I'm Addicted to Scent

Anonymous said...

Dear Aunties

Some would say I have an addictive personality - and it shifts all the time. It used to be bad for you stuff - drink, drugs and anonymous dirty sex - but now, with the tiresome onslaught of early middle age it has stabilised into things far less outre but nonetheless financially draining.

For two years, it was plants. The garden now is bursting at the seams. And now it's scents. Hidden away from my darling are all manner of perfumes and potions - I have over 40 bottles and trawl Ebay every day for others.

I'm happy, in love, content, and have no real self-esteem issues. Should I be worried?

Yours
Sweetsmelling of Cheam

Friday, January 20, 2006

Where is a good place to go to find new friends?

23 said...

Where is a good place to go to find new friends?

I work for a very small company, where I am good friends with all of my co-workers, and I have a few very good friends outside of work, but other than that my social circle is disturbingly small. I'm not into clubbing so that's not a good place to meet people, and people at Pubs rarely seem interested in talking to anyone outside of the group that they've arrived with. Any suggestions to get me out of this social rut?

I am a Hypochondriac

Guyana-Gyal said...

I am a [not yet certified] hypochondriac.

It is a problem. Need I say more?

Help.

I Don't Want to Be a Lawyer

Nerdgirl said...

I am a law student, midway through my graduate program, and I am getting pretty close to getting out into the world, and actually having to practice law. The thing is, I really am not sure that its what i want to do. Now I am a gazillion dollars in debt, and I really don't have a choice but to find a job in the law field just to pay back my student loans. Seriously, should i just turn tail and head to south america? I could probably teach english and marry a hot argentinian.

Nobody Listens to My Advice

JoeinVegas said...

No one listens to me when I give them advise. It's always "bugger off" (or other unfriendly American terms). How can I make them understand that I'm just trying to help?

I Think I Might Have Killed My Dad's Cat

i think i might have killed my dads cat. about 5 years ago he went on holiday and asked me to look after his cats. one of them, known as gin, was ill and had to be given tablets. one day i returnd from work to find her spread eagle in fron of the patio door, foaming at the mouth and her heart beating very rapidly.. i rang the vet who said bring her in asap, but in my haste i banged her head on the door to the cat box and when we got to the vets she was dead. i feel really guilty about it.. i rang my dad to tell him the bad news and apparently it totally ruined his holiday and he went to his room and cried all day. should i tell him what really happened? or keep quiet.

This problem has now been answered by Clare over here on the main site.

I Lost My Mum

I have been having the hardest time lately. I lost my mum to brain cancer this last September, and I have been struggling to deal with this hole in my life. I walk around, and I look at other people, and it makes me angry that they have mums and I don't anymore, through no fault of my own. Christmas was a really family holiday for us, and now it's going to be crap without her. My brothers want to try and do the holidays the way she did, in her honor, but honestly, I just want to crawl in a hole and come out after Easter. Is this normal?

This problem has now been answered by Zinnia over here on the main site.

Sparks and Mutual Desire: Heartbreak?

I have recently met a truly wonderful woman, who has had a deep and profound effect on my life. Which is wonderful. And the feeling(s) seem to be mutual. However she is the mother of two children and also with a partner. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, I have really fallen for this woman although we don't really know each other that well (lots of sparks and mutual desire), her relationship with her partner seems to be going downhill/stagnent. and much though I want to have a meaningful and hopefully long term relationship with her, I don't want to cause any damage to the kids or cause yet more heartbreak with her and her partner.

She really has had a very deep effect on me and it seems that we would be great together. Everyone in the realtionship knows whats going on so it seems we are all either going to be grown up about it or there's going to be some kind of stand off or breakdown or summit. i don't know, I just feel like an emotional blackmailist because I've fallen in love with someone I may never be able to be with. and I really want her.

Highly confused. and never in this situation before.
help!

This problem has now been answered by Clare over here on the main site.

I Attract Waifs and Strays

I'm generally a friendly person, but I seem to attract a lot of what could kindly be called "waifs and strays" and less kindly the borderline psychotic / desperately lonely / socially inadequate. I guess I kind of recognise myself in them, which is why they probably gravitate to me, but there comes a point where you've done everything you can to encourage them to make other friends; where you've suddenly had a light shone on their behaviour that shows they're probably a (little/lot) more obsessive about your shared interest than you feel is healthy; where you feel that you will be at their beck and call if you let them. How do you keep them at bay or break off contact without feeling cruel or rude or a failure for letting them down? I've been really burnt in friendships in the past - people turning on me, using what I have told them in confidence against me and suchlike - and part of me does try to be more careful about how I let people in. But I thrive on contact and hate to cut people off completely, knowing how much that can hurt. But I feel very vulnerable sometimes.

I try really hard not to hurt people in any way, and even if things aren't my fault will often apologise in a desperate attempt to make amends. I'm sure this isn't good for my self-esteem.

This is rather rambling and probably lacks a direct question, so to sum up - how do I not hurt people who I no longer wish to have contact with; how do I reduce contact with those getting to be "too much like hard work" (I feel so unqualified to be their social therapist!); and how do I convey that I do not wish to get reinvolved if/when someone tries to re-establish contact? Is it just a case of lacking confidence and self-esteem or am I bad person?

This problem has now been answered by Clare over here on the main site.

I'm 25 and Still Single

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to think there is something really wrong with me. I'm 25 and still single. I don't mean single now, I mean I have always been single. I don't seem to attract many guys and the ones I do are losers, stoners, non English speakers and old men. The really old kind, the kind who could be my dad. Ewww. As the years pass by my standards slowly drop but I don't think they'll ever get that low. What am I doing wrong?

This problem has now been answered by Mike over here on the main site.

Should I Become a Bisexual?

33 & 1/3yrs old said...

well, first of all thank you. I promise to try and do something nice for someone I know, or randomly, in return.

I've only ever dated women but in the past year I've drunkenly kissed (my first ever) 3 men and I'm a bit confused. I half want to explore my sexuality but worried that I'll close the door permenantly on a wife n kids if I do - it's not something I really want to hide from any future partners.

There's a Queer social group in the town where I live - but I'm half tempted to only focus on my bisexual attraction to women and pretend I'm straight.

Coming out as bisexual feels much more daunting somehow than if I were gay.

I'm single at the moment - but ready for a romantic monogomous relationship - can half imagine this being with a man though.

This problem has now been answered by Clare over here.

I Don't Want to Go to My Sister's Wedding

Anonymous said...

I was never very close to my sister growing up although when I first left home we did start to build some kind of friendship, she would visit me and I even went to stay with her and help her out when she spiralled into a very deep depression. When I married we were close enough for me to ask her to be my chief bridesmaid and to make my wedding dress. Then she met someone she planned to marry but said that she didn't want me to be a bridesmaid because she felt I would steal some of the limelight from her. However, that marriage never went ahead because she met someone else. She called me one day to say that she was getting married the following weekend and I was not invited. At the time she told me that they only wanted parents to attend, I've since found out that was a lie, other people were invited. I have no idea why she didn't want me there, she has blamed the now ex husband but I'm not convinced.

Since then (8 years ago) there have been attempts at reconcilliation. She has asked me to be godmother to her son but then decided not to bother with a christening for instance. Recently she invited me to her new home with her new partner following a meal out with our parents. There she was in tears, telling me that she missed me. Then she tried to kiss my partner of 7 years which resulted in her and her boyfriend having a huge row that went on all night. Me and my partner had to hide in one of the bedrooms and listen to the row and try to get some sleep.

Now my sister is engaged to this man and I am under presure from my mum to attend this wedding. I don't want to go partly because I think 3 weddings in 8 years is even giving Elizabeth Taylor a run for her money , partly because of how my sister has treated me in the past and partly because I don't want to deal with her emotionally if she gets drunk at the wedding.

What should I do?

I’m in love with two people

Anonymous said...

I’m in love with two people.

A few years ago my girlfriend of 8 years came to me and said she wasn’t happy. For a variety of reasons (to elaborate would possibly identify me) I wasn’t able to fight for the relationship and instead walked away. Inexplicable in retrospect. She was gorgeous, very intelligent, wise, kind and funny as hell. I loved, admired and respected her. All in the truest senses of the words. I spent most of my twenties with her and despite the big changes that we both went through we were always solid and there for each other through amazing times and terrible times. Before she expressed her concerns I had no doubt in my mind that I would be with her forever and that she would one day be be the mother of my children.

A few months after splitting up I met a girl through my work who I thought was gorgeous but I had no intention of pursuing because I wasn’t ready and it wouldn’t be fair on her in the unlikely event that she wanted to see more of me. However, as it happened she asked me out on a date and, with the coercion of a few friends who thought it would be good for me and my self-confidence to go (on the proviso that I just enjoyed the company of another woman and didn’t “do anything”) I went on the very first proper date of my life. Stupidly, and pretty predictably, we got drunk and ended up in bed.

Almost two years on and we’re still together. She’s fantastic, kind, generous, funny, beautiful. And I love her. But when I look in her eyes I don’t see the future mother of my children, my soulmate. And this just compounds the fact that I cannot stop thinking about my ex. When I’m out in public I always have one eye open for her. In fact, I’m still in touch with her and we’ve seen each other once or twice and we text/email every now and then and are generally on very good terms. I would see her more often if it wasn’t for fear of hurting my current partner, who knows about the meetings (I’ve been completely honest with her). Anyway, my ex once mentioned that she’s dated loads of guys since our split but can’t find anyone who could make her half as happy as I did. Maybe I’m being conceited and arrogant, but I think that she would give us another chance if I wanted to try again.

It’s very difficult (and unfair?) for me to compare the two. I’ve only been with my current girlfriend about 18 months. I can’t remember how I felt about my ex after that length of time. Will I feel that my current girlfriend is my perfect match in another 4 or 5 years’ time? Am I over-romanticising my ex? Will I ever get over her? Or should I just cut my losses and just go back to try again with her and risk losing both of them? I’ve tried isolating myself from my ex for months at a time but that doesn’t help. And the sad fact is that if I didn’t have my ex to compare her to I think I would be completely and blissfully happy with her, without a thought that the grass might be greener elsewhere.

It’s totally my own fault that I’m in this situation but it was also kind of unavoidable that we split at the time. But I don’t think I’ll be able to rest until I resolve it.

I Gave Up Cannabis

Anonymous said...

This new year I gave up cannabis. I had a pretty heavyweight habit which grew over a period of 16 years into a 2g a day addiction. My partner and I want to have a baby and had heard that cannabis can effect sperm motility. Also recently I would have coughing fits when smoking my bong. The combination of these two points is what has motivated me to quit. But the truth is I love cannabis and don't want to give it up. I have suffered from reactive depression in the past, often brought on by anxiety. I believe that cannabis has been really helpful as a stress management tool. I have been going through the usual symptoms of withdrawal, sweats at night, short and fitful sleep, overtiredness, clammy hands and feet, being easily wound up by nothing much at all, loss of appetite. These are hard enough to deal with. But I'm also worried that if I stop smoking cannabis, I will start worrying and stressing. I know this could well end up being a self fulfilling prophesy. My freinds all give me rational advice in support. But when I'm feeling like this I don't care about the rationale of giving up which I am all too familier with. I just want to feel relaxed and comfortable. I want a space in my day when I can unwind and switch off like I could with cannabis. I could so easily pick up the phone and go get another oz of the smelly stuff. I don't really know what my question is but I am finding this all sooo hard.

This problem has now been answered by Linda on the main site.

I Broke His Heart

Anonymous said...

I was with someone for nearly a decade. I don't doubt that I was deeply in love with him, though the last few years were more like living in stasis as flatmates. I left him recently, and it broke his heart.
I am having two problems.
firstly, I'm finding it hard to deal with the guilt of it all. I did love him, I tried to do all the right things, but I still left him in the lurch. I can't understand quite why, even now. There are just so many things that were just fine. But I still ran off.

Secondly, even though I was in love with my partner, I spent an awful lot of the time with huge crushes on other men. I don't just mean "ooh he's tasty", I mean serious crying at night, and desperately throwing myself at other men. Luckily, none of them ever threw back, until right at the end. These crushes lasted for months on end, and in one case, about two and a half years, a situation that was only relieved when the crushee left the country.
Is this normal? Will I keep doing it? It scares me. Was it a sign that things were wrong all along?
I'm now with someone I (again) love very much but I'm terrified of this happening again.
sorry for rambling, I hope you can help, or at least offer your wordly wisdom.

I Need Freedom at Work

smallscrim said...

Bit of a thorny one, this. I like to think of myself as someone who loves and needs freedom, probably because I have an all too precarious sense of my own independence. So perhaps no big surprise that I've chosen to work in a very heirarchichal corporation that, whilst on the one hand expects its staff to be creative and productive, also at some level requires a high degree of unquestioning compliance with (what I experience as) its byzantine and quite disciplinarian attitudes. I struggle to bridge both aspects.

You won't be surprised to hear that this has led me into some considerable conflict with my (female) line mgmt. I should add that I'm a bloke.

The conflict has recently led to me being disciplined by my mgmt, tho' some of the allegations my mgr made against me have been disproven, and indeed led to her own deputy being disciplined herself. In other words, very conflictual, very nasty, very difficult to move on from and to rebuild trusting, respectful relationships. But make no mistake, I want and need to get out of this hole. I also want to keep my job, because there's a great deal that I enjoy about it.

I'm not saying I'm an innocent party in all this, however I'm certainly not the only cause of the problems.

How do you recommend I try and move forward from here?

This problem has now been answered by Joe over here on the main site.

Stone Cold Hearted

Anonymous said...

Dear Auntie

How long is it acceptable to go out with someone you're not in love with, but you do like a lot? Given the chances of actually falling in love with this person are very slim and pretty unlikely, but they're still a nice person that you care about.

Thank you

Stone Cold Hearted Of London

We Are Miscreant Muther Fuqers

Anonymous said...

I recently embarked on a new relationship. Both i and the lady concerned are having a lovely time, however both of us have a tendancy to get right on it when we are together. We have both in the past consistently been miscreant muther fuqers but together this behaviour is amplified somewhat. Although at the moment i do not worry to much, i know that in the long run we cannot sustain this, and worry whether we have the will power to curtail it. How can i keep seeing her without going loopy in the long run?

Yours
Twisted of East London

Can You Keep Hedgehogs in Cages?

Anonymous said...

i gave my girlfriend a hedgehog for her birthday and now she loves him more than me and my mate says you shouldnt keep hedgehogs in cages.

do you think i take him back to the park?